song written at a cemetary

put my focus on other things, other people
to keep giving energy to my/this confusion
is feeding it
give in and you'll feed it
don't give in you'll feed it

maybe help him
or help her
help you
it's an idea

but stop fucking around in my head
all the shoulds fucking with me
i'm feeling like i've failed
feeling like i've failed
failed.

Chorus

But how could that be true
how could I have failed you
I couldn't have, just me, just me
unless you tell me different-ly

How could that be true
how could I have done something to you
when I'm so wrapped up in my own bullshit that
I can't see- out of it.

Focus on other people, other things
ideas other than
what I'm supposed to be, to be doing, get paid for, enjoy

See you, see him, see her
Take a walk, come back in
with the smells of the outside, and a different state of mind

Chorus-

Blog titles

When something tickles me or strikes me as memorable, I call it a blog title.

Here are some that I came up with at the airport:

More ribs like window shades
Inspire me, but not too much.
How to be sad: Sleep enough.
City Mouse? Country mouse?
Cottage cheese arms.
Sneakers that zip.
I want the belly. Do I want the kid?
People that wear shirts but no shorts (this is KrisB's title)
Clear gelat.
Chiropract me.
Sad about the pink nails.
Bready body, gluten face.
Sitting with a good man.
Men who like quinoa.
Pastel hotel room.
Paradise is not for living in.
I like the way he talks about her.
An ideas person.
Accepting support from a walker.
(With an Australian accent) "Come on, forge ahead. Come on!"
Hiding behind big wet eyes, guffawing.

O.L.

Celia about died laughing when I yodeled/moaned in a Disney-like voice, "oooooohhhh life!"

I am happier than I have been in a long time. I made a list yesterday of things that I'd like to accomplish in this lifetime. I did as *they* said, and put each wish in past tense, as if I'd done it.

I wrote a very cathartic and truthful blog.
I had an amazing, loving relationship with my partner.
I had an successful career, self created.
I was a wonderful cook!
She (me) was a wonderful singer/songwriter/storyteller/artist/entertainer.
Fearless!

I really want the love wish.

Being part of community. Gosh, that's why I'm here. To be part of community, to glue it all together and make it a little more peaceful and a little more fun. Now I have this time, which is still jammed, yet, it's fuller. I actually feel like I have more blood, more body, I'm more woman. These parts of me are acknowledged. For no amount of money, will I be a machine.